Monday, May 22, 2006

40 Things That I Would Change if I Was in Charge of All Sports

Recently a friend of mine posted a comment in response to a comment that I posted on her husband's blog. She said "I think Dennis shoud be the god of sports", while I prefer the title "commisioner of everything sports" over "god of sports" it got me thinking of some changes that I would make if I was in charge. So here is a list of 40 things not in any particular order except the number one change.

40. Ban Soccer in the United States
39. Make the day after the Super Bowl a national holiday (yes this gives me that authority)
38. Replace the college football overtime system with a sudden death system
37. Get rid of the Designated Hitter in the American league
36. Move the three point line back in college basketball
35. Require the ESPN networks to show only sports programing (no poker, no competetive eating)
34. No Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday or Friday Nigh College Football games
33. Reduce the number of NBA playoff teams from 16 to 8
32. Move the Seahawks out Seattle (I don't care where but I want them out of the Northwest)
31. Fire every single Pac 10 football and Basketball official
30. Ban metal bats in all levels of baseball
29. Shorten the Major League Baseball season from 162 to 140 games
28. Dissolve the NHL
27. Shorten the shot clock in college basketball to 30 seconds
26. Ban lame sponsorship on televised sporting events such as first and ten presented by Visa, the dodge keys to the game and the Old spice red zone report
25. Require a basic knowledge test for anyone attending a live sporting event
24. Require NBA refs to call traveling
23. Ban Bill Walton from NBA TV broadcasts
22. Contract the Florida Marlins, Tampa Bay Devil Rays, Kansas City Royals and Pittsburgh Pirates
21. Ban stupid arena music such as "we will rock you" and "Rock and Roll Part II"
20. Make an official declaration that Football is now our national pastime
19. Not allow teams with losing records play in the NCAA Basketball Tournament
18. Remove the two man luge, ice dancing and biathalon from the Winter Olympics
17. Remove rythmic gymnastics, trampoline and synchronized swimming from the Summer Olympics
16. Put "Shoeless" Joe Jackson in the baseball hall of fame
15. Force Barry Bonds to retire
14. Move a Baseball franchise to be determined to Portland
13. Abolish the NCAA, college sports will be governed by me!
12. Any player caught using performance enhancing drugs will be suspended for a minimum of two years.
11. Require a player in college football to get both feet in bounds to catch a ball
10. Put Gonzaga Basketball on 3 years probation
9. Relax some of the rules that make it impossible to play defense in the NFL
8. No more annoying TV timeouts for sporting events
7. Get rid of the stupid play in game for the NCAA tournament
6. Make the first two days of the NCAA tounament federal holidays
5. Ban fantasy sports
4. Limit Notre Dame to three national televised football games a year
3. Allow touchdown celebrations in college football
2. Move the Texans out of Houston for making the dumbest draft day decision ever
1. Abolish the BCS and replace it with a 16 team tournament ending on New Years Day.


Round Tuit said...

You got it almost completely wrong.
1. Change the season to 80 games
2. No more than 30 seconds between pitches to the same batter
3. Laser system calling balls and strikes
4. reduce game to 7 innings
5. Get rid of the 7th inning stretch
6. Move the game along already
7. 3rd foul ball at strike 2=strike 3

Joanne said...

I agree except and it's a major except Soccer should always be played in the USA!!!

Jon & Chris Steele said...

I agree, especially with the holidays and with #1.

Aaron Geist said...

Wow. It's like I'm still living with you.